Hmmm life…such an interesting journey. I had a post all written in a draft (unbeknownst to me not saved) however the internet (which has been spotty at best lately) decided to swell a wave and wash a
ll my words away with it. So now I sit wondering if I should share with you what that was I wrote previously as I will have to recreate it or if I should let it like the wave wash itself away back from the shores and back into the mighty ocean.
Here goes! Life...it's where we are at since we are all currently above ground reading and breathing. All in different stages, moments, places, ages and scenarios. Some have given up, surrendered to the insanity, surrendered to the dream, surrendered to the madness of society. Others have chosen to flow with where they are all amidst the chaos, madness, illness and insanity knowing they are where they are and through it all come back to breath and allow.
I haven't posted in a while, I'm okay with this as life flows all around me. Lessons swirling, old wounds healing, new opportunities jumping up and down in front of my eyes all pieces of the play, the journey. Through it all I remain calm, centered and breathing. A week or so ago, a woman who was quite anxious asked me "how do you keep yourself so calm and peaceful". My response was “I know how to breathe and I make a conscious choice to breathe amidst the chaos, panic, madness, joy and elation. To not hold my breath and be fearful but to trust and breathe deeply. Through it all I come back to my breath. I realize that sometimes I'm holding it in and with that comes the stress, and anxiety.” I told her that the choice to breathe consciously was a simple one but that sometimes executing that choice wasn't always easy. That even though she was seeing the calm, peaceful exterior that there was work that had to happen in the interior to get there. It wasn't a "face" I'd put on like we're expected to when people say to ‘be brave’ or to ‘fake it until you make it’. I don't have a problem with those sayings if they motivate you towards love and away from fear. However, if those sayings are just creating more fear that will come back ten times bigger well, that's when I have a problem with those sayings. Turning towards breath for me returns me to life and to my happy place. Being content with self is one of the biggest lessons life can afford us. Learning to love ourselves wholly as we can love another. Unconditionally loving the self as we do for others with no judgement, no ranting, no beating up of self is a huge lesson and one that once learned can propel us to new heights of awareness where new lessons will unveil themselves. The dance of life and the lessons it provides along the way of the soul’s journey. We ebb and flow with life and its ups and downs. Cautioned and constrained by beliefs and fears and what society feels is “in our best interest’. That anxious woman reminded me of what I did automatically to be so “at peace and happy”. A conscious choice to breathe amidst any scenario. That in connecting to my breath and accepting and trusting I was happy and at peace. It didn’t meant that life was ‘easy’ but the choice to do so was simple. A big difference between easy and simple. The choice simple yet the actions to implement the choice sometimes not easy at all. To stand in the face of your fears and challenge the beliefs that support them not easy. In changing our bodies physically we need to train and retrain muscles. That too is what is necessary for our beliefs and fears to change. We need to train and work out ‘reaction muscle’ to default to breath and trusting and connecting to self. Where the struggle can come in is that there might not be a physical change that one can see to show you how far you’ve come.
This all has reminded me of an email between a friend and I from many years ago that I’m feeling called to share with you.
J:” Many many thanks for the shared breath. I smiled as I closed my eyes and surrendered deeply to it. Just this...
Your reminder always a welcome hug of ease and deep knowledge. Knowledge that daily tasks and distractions attempt to overshadow. Thoughts, words, feelings...just that but in the end we do just have this...pure love and connectedness...one breath. I too am grateful to be sharing this breath with you. My heart remembering amidst the madness this is what it's all about. So again thank you I will continue my day smiling and coming back to breath. I know I spent some time in a lesson holding it...I don't want to do that any longer. Released from that web I will walk one step and one breath at a time.
So much love, blessings and namaste my dearest soul. I smile as I sneak in a moment remembering the turtle...and again all is well and back to this moment. 💖”
I sit knowing that this is part of the many lessons I’ve learned in this lifetime. The many births and deaths my soul has experienced up until this moment. That I’ve found the self-acceptance and love that allows me to trust and come back to breath knowing that all is part of the experience and can be graceful and effortless.
The response from my friend, like a gentle caress with ease and clarity washes over me like an ocean wave again today as it did when I first read it. Feeling that flow of the ocean wave cursing throughout my soul I feel such peach. I sit reading it, surrendering to the words knowing that my soul is nodding up and down in agreement. Finding the words for what was preciously ‘a feeling’. That this was what I meant when I told the anxious lady I come back to breath and that’s why I was radiating happiness and peace for her to feel and see that day.
And now his reply - one that deserves sharing and so I'll do that here (hands to heart)
M: “your email reminded me of floating in the ocean at Makena...surrendering. letting go of any ideas about what i might or might not do or what should or should not happen. letting go is letting go...of everything. holding your breath is what we do sometimes...letting go is first letting go of the "idea" of what holding or releasing is...letting go of the the concept that I could possibly 'know' anything. focused only on this moment, there's no past or future to draw any conclusions against....wanting or not wanting disappears. the 'idea' of a self evaporates. by letting go, first of the 'idea' that there's other than this moment is for me the catalyst that lets it all go in an instant. blending or blurring the energy that is 'thought' into a flow that is indistinguishable from anything else...it's where everything exists...pure energy....surrendered in an ocean of pure energy where any idea of a self is indistinguishable...no this or that....just this. Peace. No struggle. No attempts to identify or name. It only lasts for flash of a second. Eternity. This is the only thing that's real to me. The rest is indistinguishable from fantasy. Just this. Over and over. Coming back to the breath and then releasing the idea of a breath and releasing all ideas...and then 'we' disappear into this. Where we've always been.”
Ahhhhhh so beautiful. These words come together and flow for me so effortlessly. I was drawn to share them with you, trusting that for some it will bring some peace, an ease from the anxiety and fear that is offered in their life. That you may be able to step back and make a choice to breathe, to allow the flow to happen for you, even if things are currently tough, chaotic, angry, anxious or just plain self-imposed madness. That through it all you can find the space to breathe and accept. To find self-love and acceptance and radiate that energy back to the world. That you're comfortable and at home in your skin and can let go of the struggle.
I sit now writing this for the second time knowing that the first one was meant to be washed away so that space could be made for this post. I trust that it’s brought you some words that perhaps express to yourself what you are feeling. That perhaps it allows you a moment of quiet surrender amidst the madness of life. I don’t have the answers for any of you, I can only answer my life’s questions and be open and aware to healing past wounds, welcoming new lessons and opportunities for love and growth. However, if in my sharing this post I can light just a small match with a flame that allows you to see your truth and find some comfort then I know I’ve followed my truth and been in service exactly as I was supposed to be. And with that another breath.
May this message wash over you and let you know you are loved. Ahhhhh another week bobbing along on the ocean waters of life. Smiling as those waves ebb and flow some high and some low. Filled with challenges and also with love all coaxing us to continue on with this journey of life. Sending you all so much love and aloha today and every day. Be well and know you are loved. xxoo Jodi